Cardiff Met Uni has redefined you

Legendary bikini website and home of Piers Morgan, the Daily Mail, managed to get hold of Cardiff Metropolitan University‘s new “Equal Opportunities Policy”, which has some sensational Do and Don’t language guidelines.

The well-thought through policy says “inclusive language” must be used throughout all academic programmes to comply with the Equality Act as certain words could be considered discriminatory by crazy people.

The list is pretty sensational:

The guidelines also made the magnificent observation that “wheelchair bound” is out, because it is ‘patronising and pitying’, while “wheelchair user” is ‘empowering’.  That will make the inability to use your legs feel much better.  Or imply to people that you might be faking it a bit, like Andy on Little Britain. Or like these idiots.

Also quality:

‘If the gender of the person is unknown, don’t make an assumption, but use “he or she” or, where appropriate, use the plural “they”.  

Just what these left-wing fruitcakes need – a lesson on pronouns.

There was only one humour improvement made in the entire thing by the looks: converting “Housewife” into “Consumer”.  I assume it was put in there to trick us.  You can guarantee it will be offending someone, and the entire policy will need to be re-written on Monday.

I’m not sure I’d go too well adhering to this policy. Admittedly, I am out of practice, as I haven’t had a job since 2001.  In those days, we were just starting to adjust to the mild frowning that occurred from some higher ups if the guy who was a little tight in the shorts was called a cock-smoker, or the Friday night sure thing was called the office bike.  There was riotous laughter if it was suggested “businesswoman” was a word.  No-one thought to discriminate against people with disabilities – we were having too much fun with the easy targets, like gingers and the guy who ate two pies and a cream bun for lunch.

I’m less concerned about global warming after reading this absolute pile of shit.   The type of wet lettuces who are promoting self-censor and auto-correct for any possibility of political incorrectness in your language are going to be immediately eaten by wild animals and left for dead by aggressive humans the minute resources become scarce, leaving more for the rest of us.   Just leave your WiFi password before you get devoured.

 

 

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Author: Max Smith

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