United Nations Ambassador for All Things Lady Parts Emma Watson has been taking a break from making ludicrous suggestions like making dresses out of plastic bottles to scrape out fifteen million bucks for playing a wallflower in Beauty and the Beast.
Since taking the cash for that type of movie might have dented her feminist reputation, she has spent the past couple of weeks shilling the movie from expensive hotel rooms insisting that while her character is a Disney princess, she’s actually very empowered and wears boots and is sans corset so that she can run away if she wants but doesn’t. She also insisted the character be changed from a bookish nerd into her inventor father’s assistant, who builds a French colonial era washing machine so she can read while the washing is done! PROGRESSIVE.
The consistent dipshittery and fabrications of her post-Harry Potter era had all passed through the feminista fine until she decided she didn’t need her top for a new Vanity Fair spread. There’s rules to elevating yourself up the feminist ladder without paying your dues. You can talk all the shit you want about issues that will help nobody, you can start your feminist bookclub, you can even charge nitwits $2 for advice given direct to an iPad if the WiFi is good.
But you can’t get your tits out. There’s a clear demarcation line. If you’re an attractive woman, getting your tits out, handbra-ing or bending over in a thong for a shoot in feminist circles is exclusively the purview of the “It’s My Body” movement who are struggling to make six figures a year through advertising protein shakes on Instagram, hefty women, and rappers not making enough out of streaming. No 15 million dollar actresses allowed.
Sure, I can tell you’re confused. Some weeks its “celebrate your body regardless of your size or cellulite”, and the next week its “cover up and shut your mouth”. Emma’s getting a taste of the baffling contradictions men have been dealing with during this New York Fourth Wave Feminist movement.
In the meantime, Emma, hand in your #Resist placard immediately.