Emma Watson wears another nonsense solution to a problem she just discovered

emma watson recycled dress met gala

Emma Watson is just tearing through the world’s problems one five-star hotel and billion-dollar dinner at a time. When we last left Hermoine, she was beat-boxing with Broadway producers at the Plaza, and starting a feminist bookclub that will exclude anyone who isn’t bonkers.

Emma’s latest completely useless soap-box is recycled clothing. Em was flown to somewhere like Bangladesh where she saw someone roughly her age working in a garment factory AND WAS MOVED.  Despite the fact that she could have taken a limo to any part of the city she currently lives in and seen people doing normal jobs.

Now, naturally, Em’s environmental saviour was a recycled bottle dress designed by Calvin Klein which was worn to a carbon-disaster event that all the attendees flew in to on private jets and were ferried to solo in limousines. Which might have dented the overall carbon-neutrality of her outfit – but it did help her create a new hashtag:

“Plastic is one of the biggest pollutants – being able to turn this waste into a high quality material is a real success story. Also this beautiful look was designed with the intention to be re-purposed for future use; the pants can be worn on their own, the train can be used for another red carpet – the ultimate #30Wears!”

I see three holes in Em’s plan for everyone to wear recycled clothing:

  • With no knowledge of the lives of normal human beings, obviously Em has no way of knowing this, but normal people do tend to wear their clothes more than once.  Men wear the average pair of jeans 500 times before they even wash them, let alone throw them away.
  • If she’s narrowing the target market to stars walking red carpets, an entire $3,000 trillion fashion market would be destroyed if her fellow vapid casual world-saving clothes horses started wearing their clothes more than once.  That would move her Bangladeshi friend from “overworked and underpaid” to just “not paid and starving”.
  • Again, factual knowledge is not Em’s strong point, but the recycling of plastic bottles requires the initial production of plastic.  Plus, once they put these recycled plastic dresses into enough mass production to clothe a planet of 7 billion, who exactly do you think is going to be making them?  That’s right, your buddy in Bangladesh!

Once again, Emma has solved zero problems for the UN.


Author: Max Smith

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