So, Mrs Wishbone flung her wine glass up in the air on me telling her about this. I’m sure she wasn’t the only woman to have an aneurysm on hearing about this blatant publicity grab from GQ.
Let’s assume for the moment that GQ included ALL of Kim Kardashian’s lifetime achievements in winning the award. She lists herself as American television and social media personality, socialite, fashion designer, businesswoman, model, and actress”. Let’s take a closer look at her achievements in her 34 years on planet earth:
- Being OJ Simpson’s illegitimate child. Zero effort.
- Filmed being herself in “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”. Zero effort; one point added for mild annoyance of having cameras around all day; one point deducted for loving it.
- Sex Tape With Ray-Z. If you’ve seen the tape – Zero effort.
- Selling sex tape to Vivid. Effort: dialling step-father’s lawyer.
- Wooden guest appearances in How I Met Your Mother and Disaster Movie. Effort: getting out of bed to have makeup applied. Struggled so much, it look like speaking and standing at the same time were a struggle.
- Dating Reggie Bush. If the Ray-Z tape is anything go by, Effort: zero.
- Attend the opening of anything down to, and including, a car door. Effort of an army of assistants and PR staff: high. Effort on KK’s part: minimal.
- Marrying Kris Humphries for 72 days. Effort: got out before it became too much effort.
- Business marriage to Kanye West. Effort: undetermined. Don’t imagine she’s doing anything. Business manager and publicists working overtime. Marriage achieve by 60 million women per year.
- Giving birth to spawn named after a compass point. Effort: considerable. Also achieved by 135 million women per year.
- Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Supporting Actress (2014). Effort: Zero.
- Cultivating a massive ass that changes in dimension from small vehicle to barge. Effort: hard to tell since it is unique, and probably genetic.
So ladies, that’s how you get to be Woman of the Year. Get working for 2015. Get working on the key distinguishing feature – an ass this size: