Guy gets penis tattoo – wife is not happy

Stuart-Valentino Penis Tattoo Smiths Daily

Mirror: A husband has been kicked out by his wife after getting a comedy penis tattoo stretching halfway down his leg. Stuart Valentino, 34, got the X-rated inking on his thigh as a drunken joke but the prank backfired horribly. Wife Samantha, 35, decided she could take no more after it meant the family had to scrap a holiday and swimming trips with three-year-old daughter Ayla. Samantha bought Stuart a tattoo gun as a Christmas present but immediately regretted the gift when he tattooed the six-and-a-half inch member down his thigh. He said: “After a boozy night me and my mate Danny both stupidly agreed to get the tattoos done on our legs. Danny chickened out when he saw mine, but there was nothing I could do at that point. It caused no end of rows, and she’s now kicked me out of home. I deserve it, I suppose.”


Oh, boo-hoo, Samantha. Look, you can’t buy your man a tattoo gun, and not think the first thing he’s going to do is tattoo a penis on his leg. That’s just a fact. Every single one of us has drawn a penis going down our legs in Biro or Sharpie at least once, maybe four times. Men are idiots. So if you give us a tattoo gun, we’re drawing a dick as quick as we can. It was ludicrous of you to expect better.

But aside of that, there’s three other crimes of stupidity here:

  • Danny needs to suffer some sort of penalty on this one. You can’t agree to something as important as a dick tattoo, and then pull out when the other guy’s finished his. This is clearly a breach of guy code. My suggestion is that he has a dick drawn on his back in sunscreen and then is forced to lie face down in the Malaga sun for four hours.
  • As for having to cancel the holiday: wear longer shorts, guy!!! That badly drawn dick doesn’t go down that far, and I’ve never worn shorts that short in my life.
  • You already have a) other shitty tattoos, and b) a tattoo gun. Is it too much to ask that you cover over the badly drawn dick with another tattoo? Like you could go all Force Awakens and tattoo an X-Wing there, or just Chewbacca.  Or maybe just a giant Ray Lewis tattoo.

I’m glad Stuart pointed out they were pissed when he did this.  Otherwise I’d be wanting to know where the veins were.

Author: Max Smith

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