Nope: Terrorists don’t target a Costa in suburban Manchester

Residents of Manchester suburb Disbury, have officially been declared the most spineless citizens in the U.K. 

According to the ever reliable Daily Mail, a customer broke his arm diving out of the first floor window of a Costa after mistaking the sound of schoolchildren throwing trays on the floor for a terror attack. 

A woman in the store leapt to his defence, saying “I was sitting having a coffee when there was a really loud shout…I then heard a series of loud bangs. I was not surprised by his reaction because (we’re all fucking idiots) we all thought an attack was happening”

Afterwards one woman, also unnamed, said the first thing she thought about was the Paris attacks where 130 people were killed. Apparently it was only when a friend of a customer came upstairs that the group realised it was not an attack or shooting. 


Despite the efforts of natural selection, we’re sorry to report that none of the individuals involved were killed or maimed.  

Author: Rascal Diver

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