Pregnant wife banned from London for blowing husband at Westfield


Metro: A pregnant woman who gave her husband oral sex by the lifts at Westfield shopping centre while their children looked on has been banned from coming back to London.

Akeela Ali, 25, and her husband Fahad Bilal, from Newport in South Wales, had driven down to the west London shopping mall for a day trip along with their two children aged three and five. They let the children run off and play while they got busy on a sofa next to the lifts – but even when the kids interrupted, they still carried on. CCTV footage captured Ali moving her head up and down and masturbating Bilal with her right hand. When she finished she spat into a tissue and threw it behind a plant pot in the shopping centre’s lift lobby lounge.


This story has it all.

Welsh . Pregnant. Kids watching – but kept going. Spat; didn’t swallow – but into a tissue and tossed it behind a pot plant. BANNED FROM LONDON?

What is it with the Welsh? They don’t seem to be handle the bright lights of London and its fancy shops without fellating or fornicating in public view.

Look, Akeela – I know how this sort of thing happens. In Wales, Clarks and Next basically represent luxury goods. Then you get down to Westfield White City, and see all those fancy shops in The Village – only Fahad isn’t shelling out for any £200 boots without at a minimum a dual handy/blow job.

So you find yourself a reasonably comfy sofa, and give him a hummer. Those pesky toddlers asking why mummy is sucking the poison out of daddy must have been a hindrance – but you soldiered on. You don’t want to seem trampy, so you spit and don’t swallow (classy women who wear £200 boots don’t swallow). Believe me, I get it.

Banning you from London though is a complete nonsense. Just last night we had 1000 assholes dressed in masks holding up traffic and setting fire to police cars, and no-one’s banned them. On behalf of husbands everywhere, the judge’s ruling is an aberration, and is reversed on appeal.

Case dismissed.

(Outstanding verbatim reporting by the Metro by the way: left nothing out).




Author: Max Smith

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