Super Gonorrhea is terrifying the night clubbers of Northern England


Independent: A new strain dubbed ‘super gonorrhea’ has surfaced, which is resistant to the antibiotic treatments usually given to patients with the disease. The outbreak began in Leeds, with other cases having been reported in Oldham, Macclesfield and Scunthorpe. Some patients reported having sexual partners from other areas of England. All cases to date have been transmitted through heterosexual intercourse. Patients infected with gonorrhea may experience pain or burning when urinating, unusual discharge and unusual tenderness in the testes (for men) and the lower abdomen (for women). 


Well, this is a troubling development. I know that, as a rule, no-one you know would ever have sex with someone from Oldham, Macclesfield or Scunthorpe – I mean, that’s a given. But Leeds is a whole ‘nother problem.

They’ve got all those cute bottle blondes up there, plus there’s tonnes of universities and colleges up there where all this super gonorrhea can be accumulated and then spread around the country on school holidays. You add a Glastonbury in the mix, and it’s a pandemic.  
Look, we’ve all been there – if you haven’t had an STD, you haven’t lived. Pissing fire and/or cloud, explaining to your significant other/spouse why she has to take anti-biopics for your kidney infection, making sure you’ve got the lights off while you’re having an outbreak…. It’s a right of passage.  

You could laugh it off when a dozen tablets made it go away – but it’s a disaster if these doctors can’t cure it. I’m not pissing fire into my 80s, I can assure you. If it means I’ve got to card all future sexual partners if they’ve had sex with anyone from Leeds, I swear to God I’ll do it.

Author: Max Smith

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