The Dutch are going to collect 25,000 litres of whiz Wednesday

Kings Day Amsterdam

Guardian: When up 1.5 million ale-fuelled revellers take to the streets and canals of Amsterdam on Wednesday for the city’s annual King’s Day celebrations, the local water board does not intend to let it go to waste. Waternet, the city water board, said it would collect the urine – mainly male; female pee is apparently trickier because it tends to come with added loo paper – at three locations around the city, including two music festivals and the central Vondelpark.

The phosphate-rich King’s Day urine will be taken to a factory where Waternet successfully extracts enough of the essential plant and crop nutrient to fertilise the equivalent of 10,000 football fields every year, Het Parool said.

Between 600,000 and a million visitors are expected to join the Dutch capital’s 800,000-plus residents on 27 April, the birthday of King Willem-Alexander and a major national holiday.

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Alright, this obsession with recycling shit has got out of hand. I get cardboard and plastic and glass because they take a billion years to biodegrade. I absolutely get metal, because it’s got some value, and recycling it is cheaper than pulling it out of the ground. But let’s draw the line around there, can we?

Let me tell you what they could do if they want to fertilise the equivalent of 10,000 football fields every year. I’m in Amsterdam for Kings Day, and there are at least a billion dogs. And no-one picks up their dog shit. They just let them shit wherever. Now the problem is all of this dogshit just ends up on footpaths, and the only form of recycling that happens is when you walk on it, then take into a shop/bar/coffee shop, or if you’re lucky, into the hotel foyer.

If once a month, we transported these dogs to the 10,000 football fields that are apparently in the country and just let them shit everywhere, we’d not only move a million kilos of shit off the streets, but we would no longer have to collect the piss of one and a half million weed smokers.

P.S. As for women fucking up the program by using toilet paper, how about some equality there and they use a Pee Pocket for a day huh? #HeForShe and all that.

pee pocket

Kings day amsterdam 2

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Author: Max Smith

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