Tommy Chong Gives Donald Trump Clean Bill of Health

It has been decreed that Donald Trump “will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency”. There are two things wrong with that statement. Tommy Chong lookalike Harold N. Bornstein blustered a Trump-esque speech stating that a recent physical of Trump showed “only positive results”, “astonishingly excellent” test results and surmised that his physical strength and stamina were “extraordinary.”

“EXTRAORDINARY.”

According to Bornstein, Trump has no history of “ever using alcohol or tobacco products,” Harold, lay off the reefer, maaaaaan. I’m calling bullshit, as dealing with that dickhead, Ivana, would drive any man to.

Trump wrote in a news release; “I am proud to share this report, written by the highly respected Dr. Jacob Bornstein of Lenox Hill Hospital, stating that I am in excellent health,” Incorrect, Dr. Jacob Bornstein died in 2010. Tommy Chong is Jacob Bornstein’s son.

If Donald has any chance of banging his daughter, or Making America Great Again, he is going to need every ounce of that “EXTRAORDINARY STRENGTH AND STAMINA”.

trump doctor letter

Author: Johnny Bolt

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