You know what? F@&£ Tony Smith
Perpetual passive-aggressive whiner Tony Smith this week used some spurious unconfirmed rumours to disguise his real agenda in a thinly veiled pre-criticism of Wayne Bennett in case he turns out to have some success as England coach.
You may remember Smith’s craptacular reign as England coach, with his 1-5 record against Australia and New Zealand, after promising fans and MPs alike that they’d be winning the World Cup in 2008.
The sketchier elements of the rugby league media (i.e. all of it) have been rustling through family trees to find some Australian players whose grandparents at least took a shit in England, which they then furiously report as “Bennett could pick Hodkinson/Morris brothers/A.N. Aussie for England”. They asked Smithy for his thoughts on that, and while we have no photography, we’re certain he was squinting.
In a baffling, incoherent ramble, Smith mused that, while he picked Samoan Maurie Fa’asavalu, any move by Bennett to attempt to improve the perpetually losing England rugby league team by following equally arbitrary rules WAS NOT OK.
Smith, who became a naturalized British citizen in 2008, admitted he felt “mixed” over Bennett’s straregy.
“I was controversial at the time with Fa’asavalu, that caused some controversy. I don’t know if Wayne or anyone is doing anything illegal, I was justified at my time that it was the right thing because Fa’asavalu was living in this country and was making a living in this country to represent England.
“Just like many in this country, such as Rangi Chase, who have qualified over the years.
“To get Aussies to play for England, I couldn’t have sat comfortable with that during my time. It’s up to each individual to be able to sleep at night based on their selection and their own justification of selection. I had to be able to sleep with my controversies at that stage, I’m not sure i could have gone with the Morris boys or anyone else playing for another country in our sport.
“I’ve been big, big supporter of England ever since long before I was the coach of England. I’ve pinned my stripes to this country ever since I stepped off the plane and I started earning English pounds as my income.
OH YEAH. That’s the shit. Smith has the high ground, because he PINNED HIS STRIPES. What a patriot. Unlike Bennett – HE CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT.
According to Smith’s arbitrary integrity borderline, if you’re out there in the NRL earning those Aussie dollars as your income like a heathen, YOU’VE PINNED YOUR STRIPES to Australia, and, ipso facto, the Burgess brothers, the other worse Burgess, Widdop, Josh Hodgson, James Graham and Jack Reed should be struck off the England register, and will not be competing in the Tony Smith Four Nations. Forgetting for a moment that Bennett hasn’t officially approached, let alone picked, any of these Morris brothers yet, you oblivious turd.
If you were born the last time England (or Great Britain) won a tournament or series that involved Australia, you’re at least 41 years old, and have had more prostate exams than England wins in your lifetime. This team is a gulag. The fans have been stripped of their clothing, their freedom, and their dignity, are annually issued with dull “White Wall!” correctional uniforms and forced to walk the yard until they die, before their lifeless bodies will be thrown into an unmarked, mass grave. The only highlight of being an England fan these days is the year of relief that comes between putting one disaster behind you and the next disaster occurring. The best moment for fans this century was Adrian Morley knocking Robbie Kearns out and getting sent off on the kickoff a dozen years ago.
The team has been coached by a series of buffoons, nitwits, liars and frauds before Wayne Bennett agreed to grace us all with his awesomeness. But Smith would prefer he just picked the worst team possible, as long as everyone spent their life in the rain-damaged Leeds Rhinos clubhouse being issued ‘English’ pounds.
Smith is like these sports fans who try to apply some kind of imaginary, subjective criteria for what kind of athlete they deem acceptable for their team and which they don’t. It’s a transparent exercise in cheap self-esteem boosting. How about, since England has sucked forever, if a player is good and qualifies under the rules, you give him a game, huh?
Now, Smith, of course, is a pre-school level MIND GAMES player. They should just make it so that the microphone shocks him with a taser volt if he talks for more than thirty seconds. But it didn’t, so he went on talking and unveiled his real agenda:
“I’ve got to say at the moment in terms of PR and getting people on side [under Bennett] it’s never been a lower time.”
It has been reported that Bennett has upset several Super clubs with his demands for England players in terms of a pre-season camp and mid-season Test next year.
Smith confirmed a lot of “noses have been put out of joint”.
“In the manner of which its been done, I don’t think there’s been any favours done,” he said.
“If you went round all the coaches in super league, I can’t speak for all of them but I know a lot of them and they’ve been very patriotic and pinned their stripes to England but the way a lot of things have been done have put a lot of noses out of joint. It’s almost like a checklist has been put out to put peoples noses out of joint, how to do things, how not to do things, demands, requests. It’s really sad to have people who are really passionate about international sport in this country feel as though they are distanced from it and it’s a shame.”
SO SORRY. PARDON ME. Bennett, how dare you upset this select group of coaches who have PINNED THEIR STRIPES to England because they couldn’t get jobs in Australia. How dare you suggest that this team who hasn’t beat Australia in 41 years might need some additional work. I mean who would think that the guy who has won 7 grand finals in the world’s toughest competition where half the team now plays might have some ideas on how to make the national team better? Nope – he hasn’t pinned his stripes like Plastic Pom Smith. God forbid he put any noses out of joint.
Smith has decided, in his own mind, he was England’s best Australian coach. In fact, the rampant boobery of the 2008 World Cup campaign matched anything from the nitwittery of the Brian Noble era. And while no-one else cares, Smithy would like you to believe HE SUCKED THE RIGHT WAY.
Look, if Wayne Bennett looks over that squad, and decides the best method to winning the series is to run the team bus over the Aussie team while they’re singing the pre-match anthem, I’m backing him. He knows what he’s doing. Just Win Baby. The last person anyone should be taking any advice or integrity lessons from is Tony Smith.